- You'd be richer than
Bill Gates if you had a nickel for every time someone
asked you, "Leo who?"
- You allow other adults
to address you by a name that would've started a fight in
- On the way to your
sixth Kottke concert of the year, you mock Grateful
Dead "Dead-Heads" for being "losers" with "no
apparent purpose in life."
- At a screening of
"Animal House," you're the only one in the theater who
cries when John Belushi smashes the guitar.
- In a world full of
McGwires and Elways and Nicklauses, you choose to idolize
a self-described "fruit" from Minneapolis who as a
child fell on his head just to see what it would feel
like, and then you wonder why he can't remember tunings
to his own songs or even whether he wore shoes to a
- Two words:
- You're not embarrassed
by discussing fingernails and "right-hand technique" with
- Despite enormous
pressure from PETA-philes, you can't resist laughing at
the "chicken killing" story.
- You want to write a
song ridiculing schoolchildren for spending $150 on Air
Jordan sneakers in their futile attempt to "Be Like
Mike," but you can't decide whether to play it on
your LKSM-6 or your LKSM-12.
- The bumper
sticker on your car reads, "I Oink for
- You drive 500 miles to
attend the annual "Weekend At Bernies" (WAB).
- Your first travel plan
is how many and what type of guitars are you
- Your hotel
considerations are based on the proximity of Hooter's
- You make 15 copies of
a new Leo Kottke video.....and you watch each copy
as it's being made.
- You spend 3 months
secretly tabbing a tune only to find out from the other
Tab Pigs that Mark Hanson published the tab in
Frets magazine 15 years ago. Plus, everyone
knew it but you.
- You spend another 3
months on a new tune only to find out it is in the wrong
Rooter : Hey Suz :